Numbers, Timing, and Synchronicity
It’s 5 days post losing my home to a fire and it still feels very much like it happened yesterday.
The few belongings I’ve been able to cling onto, small reminders of the life that burned away, still carry the smell of smoke and the stain of soot on them.
Nothing of significance really, but small anchors to my house and its contents:
A tube of deodorant,
A container of pre workout and creatine powder,
My iPhone charger…
Again, nothing of significance but still very much MINE.
Things I’ve noticed about my trauma brain lately include forgetfulness, repetition, fog, dissociation, scanning…
I know i’m scanning for meaning or some kind of rationale despite knowing that there sometimes is no meaning, but it helps in some ways to try and figure out why something like this happened, and more specifically why something like this happened to me.
I tend to keep spirituality out of my conversations on financial trauma as a financial professional despite incorporating aspects of this theme into my book but I’m convinced at this point that this turn of events, the “rational” if we can call it that, is that this experience was more spiritual in nature than it was physical or accidental.
There is too much synchronicity present for it not to be.
My house burning down on the literal 30 day mark pre publication of a book I wrote that discusses not only what financial trauma is but how to overcome it and watching the play by play of my lessons reflected back to me isn’t irony that is missed on me.
Going from proud homeowner to homeless when I taught that any of us are one tragedy or loss away from homelessness is not irony that is missed on me.
Witnessing my community rally around me and support me physically, emotionally, financially, is not irony that is missed on me.
…but the timing of all of this is absolutely curious.
I’ve had people, spiritual people, tell me on many fronts that they believe this is a purging of sorts.
That like the phoenix I will rise through the (literal) ashes.
That I should approach this time and experience as a reset.
I’ve had people tell me that God is giving me a testimony. That things for me are going to change in a way that I could not imagine or conceive.
I’ve had people tell me that something, someone, has a hedge of protection around me. That my obedience to the little voice that told me to go home is a reflection of not only that, but how in tune I am to the nudges of the universe.
And while I accept and believe the intent and optimism in these messages, I am still left with the rubble, ash, soot, and reminder that my things, my home, my sacrifices… all burnt up in that fire.
Today we are 25 days away from the book launch. I haven’t had much a desire to promote the book in all honesty these last few days despite knowing it needs to be done.
Do I hope it can end up on Oprah’s book club, or the Jennifer Hudson show, or back on Tamron Hall? Absolutely.
Do I hope it can one day be a NY Times best seller? Sure.
But I spoke to my publisher this week and they told me only 77 copies of the book have been preordered.
51 of those copies were preordered in bulk by organizations I’ve offered free services too.
That means nearly 20 people of my 13k Instagram followers, 4k LinkedIn connections, and 6k Twitter followers decided to pre purchase the book.
I’m grateful, but slightly discouraged.
I’m also learning that emotional intelligence is a skill.
So many of the questions and comments I’ve received during this time are either inappropriate or ill timed. Of course I’m understanding of this, it just wears on me.
Regardless, I’m committed to continuing walking my path.
Some books are meant to be read, others are meant to be experienced.
As I teach financial trauma is an embodied experience…and well.
This something that I’m embodying.
Grab overcoming financial trauma if you haven’t today. Overcomingfinancialtrauma.com
So sorry for your loss. You DO have permission to grieve even if it was just stuff. Thankfully, no one was hurt. Are you planning to have insurance rebuild? That's a lot to grow through. I'm happy to be waiting on my copy purchased already. Be sure to let the AFC family know.